I want so much from these two.
I reel in the thought that I am actually the one who has won. I am the one who has come out on top. I never thought I’d feel this way. I thought the only way to feel like I had succeeded in the situation…it’s now the only way I feel like I can lose. Falling back into his deceiving arms is the only way I can come out of this a lesser person. The only way I can lose is to stay.
I feel sorry for those still involved and for those who will become involved. I feel sorry for those who think there is an end, who have yet to see the light, who have yet to break the spell. It’s inevitable. It is meant to destroy.
If at any other time this had happened, I would have fallen and been unable to get back up. Last night was rough, but here I am. As cliche as it sounds, today is a new day. I am stronger than I believed and I am much less alone than I ever have been.
I am beyond. I am passed.
I am happy.
- Me: Sometimes, people just want to be fought for.
- Seaman: Everyone leaves, eventually though, and nothing lasts forever. That's true, but it's still too much effort. I'm tired of trying with people, so...I might not be the best person to talk to about this.
- Me: I just wanted to be friends with everyone, I tried really hard, too. It must just be me, right? It's cool. Thanks for the passing affections.
- Seaman: ...ugh. You wanna know what I honestly think? It's great. Your resolve, I mean. I'm sure there's something you can do to keep everyone together. It'll require A LOT of effort, though. My friends, the old group- I mean, We grew apart and a lot of grudges were made. I couldn't do anything but watch it fall apart. If you c an keep a friend group together, I'd be happy to be apart of it.
- Me: Me and Seaman totally have had the best friend's with benefits/ hook up thing relationship probably ever.
- Mediocre: I guess I just can't understand a relationship like that. I don't know. Must be the Catholic school.
- Me: It's not for everyone. But, for me, I'm in no position to try and be in a relationship with someone right now. I can barely care for myself, obviously. But I do crave affection to keep myself up. This way, I'm not looking to hook up with random weirdos. I know I'm safe with Seaman. Both emotionally and physically. It's the best thing for me, even both of us.
- Mediocre: That got real deep. He's probably the most sincere out of the 3 of them.